I had a conversation with a friend recently that’s led me to some thoughts about happiness.

I struggle with depression, and it is a struggle. Various life choices and circumstances can make that depression better or worse, to say nothing of my anxiety; it’s a chemical ouroboros up in here, one feeding off the other and vice versa. Being happy isn’t a choice I can make. That was taken out of my hands whenever my genes decided “yup, this one’s gonna be a little effed up.” Of course, that’s gross simplification. Happiness isn’t just a choice, or just a feeling, it’s a state of mind, a journey. You don’t wake up one day and find yourself at Happy.

I could go into “what is Happy, anyway?” but I think I would rather dwell on the idea that while it’s perfectly okay to not be happy, it’s a crushing existence when you feel like it’s forever out of reach, always somewhere else.

Continue reading →