staring into space at the phone in my hands
making list after list after list of things that need to get done—
im sagging like old grapes, soft in their skins, turning into puddles with time

my body too is soft
the skin still taut but for how much longer
excess and chemical imbalance creating a mountain in my center
eyes sliding closed—but we slept last night
slept for hours
waking up often but falling asleep again
like a roller coaster riding hills

i am surrounded by mementos of days spent in varying degrees of distress
some days heavy with it
other days less so
but my worn-out brain cant recall what it was like to function without it anymore
looking at the piles of things without a place
and me at the epicenter
the focal point of chaos
limbs spread like unexpected death
and eyes glazed

but i am not dead
nor do i sleep

let me rest, my bones cry
let us rest
let us rest
let
us

rest